This was early in the dating process (first date or two)

This was early in the dating process (first date or two)

I dropped them like hot cakes when I found out becauseif they lied about something as simple as age, how could I trust them for things like: having children? already being married? The rest of his life.Maybe it would have been different if I found out many dates later. Anywho, that was my experience and why I wouldn’t do it, but YMMV. posted by Wolfster at 8:51 PM on [5 favorites]

You would have lied about something right off the bat, and a lot of people are going to treat that like a deal-breaker in a relationship, even if they are themselves shallow and dumb for not wanting to date a 34-year-old

If they don’t want to date someone who’s 34, they don’t want to date someone who’s 34. I don’t think it’s awful of you to want to; I just don’t think it can possibly end well for anything except short-term flings.

I would say it would be better to look at what else you bring to the table, whether your own standards need to be relaxed a bit, or whether it’s a good time to start looking for people some other way. None of these things means there’s really anything wrong with you, but if you have a dearth of people showing interest, the usual thing is that you need to either be more interesting, look for people who are less picky, or find somewhere to meet people where they’ll get to know you more before looking at you as a potential partner. posted by gracedissolved at 8:52 PM on [9 favorites]

Personally, I wouldn’t be comfortable starting with someone who won’t tell me their age. it comes across as insecure. which isn’t the vibe you want to give off!

Alternately, why not post a ridiculous age like 99? Guys do it all the time in their profiles. “99. great like Gretsky”, or something cheezy like that might work to deflect it. posted by NorthernAutumn at 8:52 PM on

Furthermore, you will be actively building a repository of ill-will towards yourself among the dating community, since you’re wasting their time and emotional investment

I’m sorry you’re having a struggle with this – I don’t think this is a solution, however, fiddling with your age. Skeevy older dudes are sort of an inevitability of online dating, they will message everyone, regardless of interest in men their age. It’s gross and unfortunate. If you wind up liking a dude you date under an assumed age, you’ve guaranteed yourself an awkward talk in both of your futures.

All of your single guy friends seriously wouldn’t date someone their own age? That seems really odd to me but maybe things really are different in NYC, I don’t know. That said, I’d warrant that somewhere in that massive city is at least one good dude who is looking for a lady in your age bracket. Keep looking for him – if you pretend to be younger than you are, he might not find you! posted by EatTheWeek at 8:56 PM on [2 favorites]

I have never done this, but I’m a 34 year guy and back when I was actively dating, I’ve met a lot of women who did this. It got so annoying and tedious that I eventually changed my profile so that the upper and lower bounds of the age range I was looking for were two years lower than my intended age range, simply to compensate for this nonsense.

1) Most mid-30s women on a dating site think they can pass as younger than they are. 2) Usually they really can’t, but the men will be too polite to tell them.

If you lie about your age, you will get a lot more first dates, but almost no second dates. One date you may meet a guy whom you’re really into at a party, only to find that one of his best friends at the party is somebody you went on a date with – and you’ll find yourself sabotaged from the start.